Official: The LEAST Christmassy Birds

 It’s Christmas time, there’s no need to be afraid. Yes, ya boi is back on the blog isn’t he. In a blog from a couple of years ago, I put forward a case for a number of British birds to be regarded higher with respects to Christmas. Penguins and robins are boring anyway, so why not have some alternatives? If you haven’t read that blog, go back and quickly read it. Now. QUICK.

Ok welcome back. Good, wasn’t it? Anyway enough of that nonsense, I’m channeling my inner grinch and wondering; what are the LEAST Christmassy birds? Which species evoke little to no festive cheer and deserve no place on the mantelpiece in December? Disclaimer, I’m not saying these birds are terrible or should be ridiculed in any way, they’re just not the type that you’d find made into a bauble or stitched into a sweater. Let’s ho ho go…

SWIFT

Unless you live below the Sahara, you’ll be unlikely to see one of these sky-dancers at this time of year. After all, Africa doesn’t even know it’s Christmas at all… right? Swifts are synonymous with clear blue sunny skies and screaming as they skim your rooftop. They’re hardly representative of the usually dour winter weather we’re acclimatised to. If a swift ever saw a snowflake, it would probably have a panic attack. Pop a swift in your nativity scene? Rogue choice.

BEE EATER

They may be adorned in multi-colour plumage and they do dazzle like tinsel but they are the LAST thing you’d consider when pondering Yule-tide. Despite their increasing presence across the UK, replacing them in place of partridges is a step too far. A romantic ideal Christmas involves gentle snowfall, so a bird invading the country owing to climate change is a big middle finger to all things mid-winter. Big NO.

CARRION CROW

The red of Santa, the green of holly and the white of snow; all quintessential Christmas colour palettes. It comes as no surprise that a bird draped in black from talon to bill is miles from being associated with the festive period. At a time all about new life and spending time with family, carrion crows just kill the mood. You can forgive jays or magpies for being ever-so-slightly more jolly but their monochrome cousins can’t make the cut. They should just stick to Halloween, they’re banned from owning two separate holidays.

GOSHAWK

These absolute units should be admired at all times of the year, that’s a fact. Sadly, as endearing as those piercing eyes and gruesome talons are, they’re not the most merry of birds. Just imagine one of their plucking posts, adorned with feathers and limbs of its prey, with a giant adult female stood proudly with wings aloft over a merciless carcass. Awesome, right? But the year you put that on a Christmas card is the last year you’ll expect one in return. Sorry guys, goshawks aren’t Christmassy.

HERRING GULL

It’s actually ridiculous to even think about how these guys can be remotely festive. They’re gregarious chip-guzzlers that are synonymous with childhood trips to the coast, not singing along to Mariah. Despite having appropriately-coloured plumage and being widely found across December in Britain, they give off such an unchristmassy vibe. Unless you traditionally spend Christmas in Brighton, herring gulls should have no part to play on the big day.

There are plenty of winters birds that tick a lot of festive boxes but these species certainly fall short. Are there any others that I’ve missed? Do let me know…

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!