My Honest Thoughts on Clarkson’s Farm

Like marmite infused with soy sauce, he’s a man more people hate than love. Controversy follows him wherever he goes and there are few nations on Earth that haven’t been directly offended by something that’s come out of his mouth. The bottom line is, he is an entertainer. Clarkson may well be branded as a presenter but his schtick is clearly documentaries draped in comedy. His reputation from the days of ‘top of the gears’ mean that even if you despise the bloke, it’s sometimes difficult to completely ignore him.

To hear he’d sold out and made an entire documentary series about farming, I was hesitant. James May’s cooking show was irrelevant and Hammond made a survival show so forgettable, it basically got lost. As a resident of ‘Britain’s bread basket’, my East Anglian blood was weirdly drawn to this premise though. Knowing Clarkson, I expected this to be an ego-flailing, petrol heavy, environmental disaster. What was the reality? Well, here are my thoughts.

Spoilers, if you hadn’t realised already.

Genuine problems made for authentic viewing.

Anyone who has watched the car show, and who don’t look up when someone says gullible is written on the ceiling, will know that many of his elaborate capers are staged. It’s an entertainment product and at the end of the day, he’s not hurting anyone. Besides all the people he’s offended over the years. With Clarkson’s Farm, his elaborate tractor and random desire to buy a flock of sheep are clearly side gags with the artistic licence wand being waved. However, the real entertainment for me wasn’t the overly unnecessarily drawn out set pieces that caught the imagination, it was when life came at Clarkson real fast. The legitimately vile English weather was one of the main villains but no producer or director could have created clouds out of thin air. We all remember that damp autumn of 2019 followed by the scorching spring of lockdown in 2020. There was no fabricating the anguish of being in the hands of the gods and needing to simply wait. Likewise, I’m certain that when the series spawned two summers ago, a global pandemic wasn’t planned to serve as one of the main obstacles. Clarkson’s problems were real, rather than scripted and that for me gave it an undeniable sense of jeopardy.

The joy of an unreliable narrator.

The charm of Clarkson’s farm is that you’re not witnessing a fresh face in your TV screen. His reputation goes before him so you can preempt largely what his reactions would be. It’s his story told from his perspective but the blatant entertainment value is knowing that he’s rarely right. Cheerful Charlie is always portrayed as the burden of truth but his good cop to Clarkson’s bad cop only makes their dynamic more intriguing. Little old Caleb is made out to be merely a foetus but could probably name every blade of grass on Jeremy’s land. Clarkson’s approach to being the all knowing king surrounded by peasants just makes it all the more comical when his castle comes crumbling down around him. But let’s be clear, most of this is staging. Jeremy is an undoubtedly intelligent man and sometimes his hair-brained capers do seem stretched. It keeps the viewers eyes peeled but the light between caricature and reality is hazy. Still, the perspective of Clarkson arrogantly believing everything is under control is what makes such compelling viewing.

A frank approach to vegetarianism.

The Clarkson we know detests anything green, unless it’s a Jag. The very notion of veganism would send shivers down his spine. So imagine my surprise at a genuinely tear jerking moment at the abattoir. The man simply wanted to say one last farewell to three ewes he’d befriended but it was all too late. They were already gone. Tonally, this moment banged as it pulled right at the heartstrings. Macho Clarkson genuinely crestfallen by the slaughter of some sheep. All of a sudden, the motivation for vegetarianism could not be clearer. Ironically, and arguably controversially, eating his very own home made shepherds pie was the perfect way to round the episode. It struck home the unfortunate truth that farming can be unforgiving and it’s best to distance yourself from livestock rather than personify them. In a dark way, it was the circle of farming life dished up on a plate. For me, what this proved, is that vegetarianism is far from an alien concept and very much a personal choice. For a farmer at least, it’s a near enough impossible choice to make.

An unexpected aptitude for wilding.

Yes, he brands environmentalists as sweaty and hairy. Yes, he finds the biggest, most carbon emitting tractor he could get his hands on. Yes, he’s spent his career burning fossil fuels like there’s no tomorrow. But, the focus on benefitting biodiversity could not be stronger. Sure, it may have been a directorial decision to devote an entire episode about wilding, but Clarkson didn’t have to agree to it. He didn’t have to plant field margins and wildlife corridors. But he did. The very idea of Clarkson getting giddy over a baby barn owl absolutely boggled my mind. His understanding of the loss of insects and destruction of habitat is what naturalists and ecologists have been screaming for years. The very point of Springwatch this year was to highlight rewilding and eco-friendly agriculture, but not many heads were turned. The difference is that Clarkson is a star in his own right, with literally millions of followers. To quote that 97% of wildflower meadows have been lost, along with hundreds of thousands of miles of hedgerow since the war, it’s a sign he actually cares. He doesn’t just drag any old birder to his farm, he sought advice from none other than Roy Dennis, a living god of ornithology. This pick may have gone over many peoples heads but his cameo added that layer of credibility. Agriculturalisation is an unfortunate driver of biodiversity loss, but his contrast with Caleb, who’s mostly concerned about his loss of yield, is a perfect example of how difficult this all is for farmers. Alongside all the pragmatic and financial barriers, what it demonstrated to me was that it’s not as straightforward as just replacing wheat with woodland. The hope is that farmers watch this and at least appreciate the value of welcoming wildlife to their land.

Exposing the harsh realities.

Picture a farmer. Tweed jacket. Wellies. Flat cap. A collie named Jasper. A Range Rover with a private number plate. A shotgun cocked under one arm with some fresh eggs in the other hand. Sound about right? Farming is not something in the wider media so what actually goes on behind closed barn doors isn’t known broadly. The fact is that the mostly urban population of the UK don’t really care, as long as they get enough barley for beers and potatoes for chips. Rural life is the butt of many jokes and a universal perception is that they complain too much. Either too much or not enough rain, badgers are the spawn of Satan and milk is too cheap. What Clarkson’s Farm displayed is that farmers truly do have plenty oto bemoan. No scene demonstrated this better than when he was surveying his failed field of oilseed rape. Acres and acres decimated by a single parasitic insect. Can it be harvested; no. Can you get rid of the insect; no. Will money be lost; 100%. In what universe is that fair or logical? When you strip back the jolly idea of rural life and expose how much meticulous planning is required, along with how delicately reliant everything is on the elements, you grow to appreciate how much anguish farmers go through on every calendar month. The climax of the entire programme comes down to uncovering the profitability of it all. After outlining all the costs of equipment, the poor yields and taking into account a global pandemic, a profit of just over £100 isn’t shocking. Farming is either vilified or surrounded in fluffiness, as far as the public is concerned. To bring home the reality that it’s categorically unrewarding really does infuse empathy. As Jeremy admitted himself, he could only afford to stay afloat based on his existing media career. What about farmers that solely reliant on this as their income? The agricultural industry may well be environmentally troublesome but it’s a crucial contributor to our national economy and it’s an industry dying before our eyes. So yes, it’s not all quaint farm shops and quirky sheep.

In summary, very few people could have pulled off a series such as this.  He took a potentially bland subject matter and made it his own. He made cultivating look cool for crying out loud. He crafted a cast of colourful characters and created a series that was universally adored, even beyond the farming community. Did it make me want to go back into the old family business though, absolutely not!